One of the most important lessons I’ve learned through life’s ups and downs is this: what I believe about my identity shapes how I live.
I remember a specific moment that brought this into focus. I was heading home from work, preparing for yet another difficult conversation with my spouse at the time. I wanted things to go differently—better. As I drove, I rehearsed what I would say, hoping for a positive outcome. I even prayed, asking God to help me speak calmly and control my temper.
But despite my best intentions, the conversation followed a familiar and painful pattern. I became frustrated, reacted in anger, and said something I regretted. Afterward, I was left asking myself, How did this happen again? The weight of shame settled in. I began to believe there was something fundamentally wrong with me—that I wasn’t a good enough husband.
This feeling of being stuck and overwhelmed by shame wasn’t limited to just one area of my life. I often judged my worth by how well I performed as a husband, father, friend, Christian, and teacher. And many days, I felt I couldn’t live up to God’s standard. I felt like a failure.
Then, a friend and mentor introduced me to something that changed everything: the concept of God’s grace and my true identity in Him. For the first time, I began to understand that my value wasn’t based on what I did, but on who I am in Christ.
It’s been a journey—one that’s taken years—and even now, I have to regularly remind myself of the truth. But gradually, I’ve learned to live from a new place. I am not defined by my past or my mistakes. I am a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). I am a beloved son of God (Matthew 17:5). I am strong in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9), forgiven (1 John 1:9), set free (Romans 8:2), more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37), and made righteous in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21).
Because when I don’t just think these truths but believe them deep in my heart, it changes everything. God's love begins to overflow into my relationships. I no longer live to earn approval—from God or from others. Instead, I’m learning to live from a place of being deeply loved and fully accepted.
That shift has led to more peace, kindness, compassion, and joy—not just for myself, but in how I relate to others. Shame no longer defines me. I’ve learned to love and accept myself, flaws and all. And that has helped me love others in the same way.
If you’re curious about exploring your identity more deeply, there are so many helpful resources to start with—the Bible, the book The Cure by John Lynch, and numerous podcasts on identity in Christ. And if you’d like someone to walk alongside you in that journey, I’d love to talk. Feel free to book an initial appointment to see if coaching might be a good fit for you
