Trust vs Performance

In life, it is easy to find your identity in your performance, at work, as a husband, as a father, as a friend. What’s far more difficult is trusting that your identity was given to you by Jesus. Why is that? Growing up, there was a much greater emphasis on how one behaves, one's grades, and how one performed in the game. Now, don’t get me wrong—those things can definitely help shape your character. But if they become your identity, then you're only as valuable as your latest success—or as worthless as your last mistake. Then you feel that you can never truly measure up.

On the other hand, to trust that you are a loved son of God, no matter how you perform, is much more challenging. The world tells us we are the sum of our successes and failures. That message is hard to let go of, and it traps us in a cycle that leaves us feeling like we are not good enough.

But when we really get hold of God’s amazing, daily grace for us, that is when we can start to come alive and become the men we have always wanted to be. When reading the Bible, we who have trusted Jesus as our Lord and Savior are called saints or holy ones (1 Corinthians 1:2). So, if we are already saints, then we just need to learn to walk with God and live out that identity.

One example of this is calling a trusted friend when you feel the urge to engage in unhealthy behavior. When we "tell on ourselves," we break the power of secrecy and shame. Then we can be reminded by our friends and God that we all face temptations, that we are still beloved sons of the King. Another example of this is daily speaking the truth about who God says we are, then walking out of the overflow of His love and grace with others.

Recently, I had an experience that captured this beautifully. On a virtual group coaching call, I shared my story of struggling with compulsive behaviors and the shame that followed. But as I spoke, I found myself naturally shifting into sharing about God’s love and grace. By the end of the call, the atmosphere had changed. When the leader told me I was reflecting God’s grace, I felt overwhelmed—in the best way. It made me want to live that way more consistently.

All of this involves trusting who God says we are. This is a process that takes time, healing, and intentionality. And when we live like this, suddenly we feel like we have purpose in life. We do not have to prove things to others, instead, we can learn to love them without needing their approval.

If you’d like to explore what it means to live from your God-given identity, I’d love to talk. Book an initial appointment to see if coaching might be a good fit for your journey.